IU-Chemistry C341 Nucleophilics Anonymous

Organic chemistry: Essen One and Essen Two have a brief conversation about what they like best substitution! expand to view script Script: SN1: Hey...
you look nu.
Is this your first time at nucleophilics anonymous? SN2: Hey there.
Yes this is my first time.
SN1: Thats great.
Its nice to meet you.
My name is Essen One.
Whats yours? SN2: Essen? Well Ill be inverted! My name is Essen as well.
Essen Two! Its great to meet you. SN1: Oh well Ill be racemized! SN1: What brings you here to nucleophilics anonymous Essen? SN2: Well I believe I have a problem.
I just love substitution so much. SN1: Ah same here! All of us here love substitution. SN2: Well its great to be among friends.
I recently had a strong reaction with this primary girl.
The site was just so pause arms out to crowd ...
electrophilic.
I had to attack it! What can I say...
Im a very strong nucleophile.
SN1: I see...
I find myself to be more neutral? I say the more the merrier.
Twos a crowd but threes company...
tertiary is the way to go! SN2: No way! Too much steric hindrance if you ask me.
I just want to get in from the backside and make that leaving group leave! Quick reactive and easy my friend.
SN1: No no no.
Its all about the slow transition for me.
I dont like to go straight for the substrate ya know? After the leaving group leaves is when the fun starts! The carbocation is practically screaming for me to attack her.
I simply cannot resist such a positive attraction. SN2: I see where you are coming from but carbocations are not my type.
I prefer to just go in there and invert that stereochemistry.
SN1: I see but inverting is not my thing! I prefer to rearrange. SN2: Rearrangement huh? Sounds a bit complicated. SN1: No quite the contrary! You see once that homely leaving group has left the building I swoop in just in time to catch the carbocation and hit that from the front and the back. SN2: Front and back aye? Sounds a bit racey. SN1: Yes its actually quite...
racemic.
ba dum tss Its all about racemization kiddo.
Maybe when you are older youll understand. SN2: Haha okay old timer.
But for now Ill stick with inverting! SN1: Very well Essen.
Substitution is substitution...
no matter how you get it done! SN2: Wise words Essen One.
It was great talking to you. SN1: Yes I very much enjoyed your company.
Have fun substituting. SN2: Hey you too old timer.
But hey! SN1: Yes what? SN2: Dont forget to always protonate your hydroxyls before letting them leave! SN1: Haha! Oh Please youre talking to a substitution veteran.
Id never let a hydroxyl leave before protonation! I practice safe substitution after all. SN2: Of course of course! Bye bye SN1. SN2: See you around SN2.

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